Saturday, April 24, 2010


As I read the blog entry, I felt a sudden lump in my chest. It was a heavy one, whose weight I knew would sink until it went down to that place. That special place, deep in one of those many chambers of my heart which I thought has finally been locked away for good but turns out it wasn't. I still have the keys and how tempting it is to just go back and have a look at treasures which has so long been cherished.

I knew I should stay away from anything that's potentially gloomy during this time of the month, I could get really emotional and sensitive which is really far-fetched from my usual hyper mode, but I just happen to stumble upon them. Those words, like mirrors of my own feelings. I'm so stupid and pathetic.

And then I thought of another recent things that has happened. Why do I feel sad about it too? Again, I'm stupid

Let this phase be over. I know I'll feel better after this. But right now, I just feel like crying and crying to my heart's content or until I fall asleep, perhaps. It'd be nice to have something to cheer me up, pull me out of this suffocating misery and let me have a good laugh for once.

And ice cream won't help unfortunately, thanks to my upset stomach =(



Friday, April 23, 2010


I think I could say for the first time in my life, that I didn't regret what happened while I was 18. I never told anyone who he is, but yesterday I just did and I'm glad I did. Sharing with people gives you perspectives and now I look at it in a totally different way.

People could look for years and never felt what I have felt once. She said she'd love to feel it the way I did and I think perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing after all. To feel, that's what being human is all about.

I don't think I'll ever find such perfect person. I've been in denial every time but I guess I always knew, secretly =)

But I'm not looking anyway. When I thought I could've accepted people into my heart (almost, but not yet), his heart is divided. Some said I should be mad, (hell people wonder why I'm not freaking out or worse, crushed after what's happened) but I guess I can't be mad because I've already cared for him, as a friend.

Let it finds me, the way it did before. I might want to feel it once again, perhaps or maybe not. If someone's worth it, then maybe it will happen. But for now, I'm just so looking forward to next semester where I won't be seeing him. (Not that I don't have his number or Facebook or YM ;P)

These past few days have hurt me a bit and also lifted me in every way possible and I ♥ it =)


Thursday, April 22, 2010

You think silence is better?

Keeping everything bottled up inside, making people keep wondering and assuming. If that's what you wish, then perhaps let it be. I'm tired of guessing. I know you're not gonna tell me anything anyway.

Did you for once thought of how people feel when you left them hanging, waiting for you to make a choice, as if you were entitled to? And what if you were to choose the other person? Or the person choose you? What would happen to the other one? Have you ever thought of that? And you said you're different. *Sigh~

Hope? Is there hope anymore, fake or not, with all these secrets and avoidings? What do you think?

You won't loose me by showing the truth but you will by hiding them. I'm not here to judge anyone, I just want to understand. You've got nothing to loose now, don't you think so?

It's good to share, it's good to open up, although it would hurt, you know I would listen.

I'm not angree or hurt, honestly. But please, try to understand that if you don't tell people, then people won't understand you. What's there to hope, people shall never know.


"You won't loose me as a friend
And I don't want to loose you either"




Perhaps I was thinking
of stupid possibilities
Even if they were for brief moments
Those split seconds of
Innocent hopes

I hate to admit
That it did hurt a bit
But I don't blame anyone
Other than my own stupidity

Were you sincere?
When you said those words
Were you truthful?
When you said there's no one
Were you serious?
When you ask the question

No you weren't
I've got my answer
I was right to doubt you

Nobody's perfect
And I'm full of flaws
And I'm okay with accepting others'
Truth is all I ask
And it would have made all the difference
But that's no longer possible, I guess

And if you're reading this
Please know that I'm not blaming you
You won't loose me as a friend
And I don't want to loose you either
And that's how it's going to be


Glad I got them cleared off my head. The possibilities are gone and now it's a fresh start. Goodluck~ =)


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I'm glad it won't let me say yes

If there wasn't such a thick wall enclosing my heart, I would've probably got carried away and got hurt in the end. I almost, haven't I? Maybe it does hurt a bit, but I've learnt my lesson

I'm not stupid and I'm glad for it. I'm not blaming anyone either for each person has his own reasons and circumstances. In my case, I realized I just wanted the feeling I've felt once and that has kept me safe. Do I really?

That perfect person okay maybe not that perfect -__-"

Oh gosh did I just sounded retarded? Okay, I can't do this. That person's not gonna be near for a VERY long time, forever perhaps, which is the best for me. God, let it out of my mind~

And to those whom have gotten their hearts broken this week (and I know quiet a few) please stay strong, let the memory be a bittersweet lesson and hope be your guidance

And um, ganbatte for exam ^^"

p/s: aww, the cute posts on FB ♥


Friday, April 9, 2010

miss miss miss

I'm really missing
those times
those free times
those things
those passions
I want them back
I want them back

the songs of life
are too fast paced
pause for while
let me catch the glimpse of myself

the me I've become
I hate like it

the things I've felt
I hate like it

where have I gone?

i wish i never knew
i wish i never was
please, give me time
let me have me back

I can't return to everything
and I don't want to
just a bit would be enough

just so i could say
it's me again
it's ME

note2myself: everything you were and everything you are, let's have fun this break. Just, LET'S

p/s: this is just me crapping due to the amount of assigments and the amount of things I've been missing for months. I really really really miss it and him and her and them and me. I need to get those daily dose of passion =(



About This Blog

This is just a place for me to write stuff.
I'm an open book, but with hidden compartments and missing pages somewhere along the way.

In the future, I'd like to read this again and laugh of the things I've put for myself to discover =P

About The Layout

Much like my life, the layout lacks straight lines including the borders, etc. I want to make it look sketchy because I love to draw. It involves some painstaking efforts trying to come out with the design plus a lot of help on the coding

The piano, the musical notes, the stars, the effects, the graphics represent some part of me. Dream and passion. =P

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